


He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

by porcelxin



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cheater JB, GOT7_TAROT_19, Grinding, I don't know what I'm doing, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Pining, how do i even tag, poor jinyoungie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-26 01:13:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20035411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porcelxin/pseuds/porcelxin
Summary: Jinyoung falls hard for the wrong person.





	He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thank you for clicking on my fic. This is my first time ever posting anything I've wrote so I'm scared shitless but I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> P.S) This is for the GOT7 Tarot Fic Fest.  
My card was Ten of Cups: Reversed.  
ENJOY!!!!

Darkness enveloped every inch of the small room surrounding Jinyoung. The walls began to close in on him, his lungs shrinking in response to the overwhelming emotion rushing through his veins making it almost impossible to breathe, his heart squeezed and ached as the words spoken sunk into his brain. The older male in front of him looked emotionless and cold, unlike anything Jinyoung had ever seen from him before. The soft tips of his fingers felt cold against his heated flesh, the spot over his heart. His chest hurt, the muscles contracting as he broke out into silent sobs that slowly and steadily shook his body. His traitorous body that still longed for the male, his boyfriend, his Jaebeom, to wrap his arms around him and allow him to sink within his warmth. Fingers tightened around the fabric covering his chest, protecting his heart, his skin, from the elements of the world but not this, this is something completely irreparable. This is something he could never, and would never get used to.

“Why,” Jinyoung was able to choke out between the sobs wrecking his body. “Why would you do this to me?” His dark eyes watched Jaebeom as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, almost as if he were annoyed with the current situation.

The soft sigh that left his parted lips would have cut right through Jinyoung’s heart had it had knives for fingers. “Do what, Jinyoung? What did I do TO you?” The older male watched him with a roll of his eyes, guarding his reaction to his words. “You did this to yourself. You made me this way. You made me do this. You’ve changed… and not for the better.”

Anger rocked Jinyoung back up and facing Jaebeom, his features contouring to the biggest look of disgust he could manage with the ache that still battled inside him. “Made you?” His voice rose as he spoke. The more words that vomited from his mouth, the angrier he found himself. “You put your fucking dick inside someone else and you’re telling me it’s MY fault?!” He scoffed and released an unamused laugh. “Did I put a gun to your head and threaten your life if you didn’t FUCK SOME SLUT?” He raised his hand to wipe away the tears that fell hot down his cheeks and soaked the fabric of the shirt.

“No,” Jaebeom cut in, stopping Jinyoung from speaking anymore. “No, you didn’t. But you wanted things that I wasn’t ready for. I couldn’t give you what you wanted and I hated myself for it. I tried my best. I changed everything about myself for you, Jinyoung. Everything.” He brought his hand up and racked it through his silky dark locks in a way that made Jinyoung’s hands ache to touch him. He sneered at himself in his head. How could he be so weak when it came to Jaebeom? How could he allow himself to still want something so intimate when the thought of even looking at his boyfriend makes his stomach turn?

“I hate you,” Jinyoung whispered under his breath, though he was positive the older male would hear it. It made his heart spark with joy at the thought of his lover — ex-lover — being in the same amount of pain he was currently feeling. However, from the chill radiating off of the other, he was almost certain that wouldn’t happen. “Get out,” Jinyoung walked to the front door and opened it, gesturing with one hand. Tears still flowed down his face, whether out of hurt or anger, he wasn’t too sure. He wanted them to stop and that wouldn’t happen with Jaebeom around. “Get out... now!”

Suddenly, Jinyoung was sitting up in bed, the blanket falling down to his waist and exposing his softly chiseled chest. His cheeks were stained with water from his soft shed tears, wet from the nightmare he had every night for the last two months. He opened his eyes and glanced at the empty spot on the bed beside him. It had been two months since his lover had been there. Two months since he had heard his name come from the lips of the man that he thought was the love of his life - Im Jaebeom.

** _ *—— Two Weeks Later ——* _ **

Jinyoung had refused to leave the apartment, his bed becoming his safe haven from the shitshow that was his life, to do anything besides go to school. It was his senior year, after all, and he really needed to pass his classes. The first two years of school had been more of a free period, so-to-speak. When he had first arrived, the campus was his playground, full of new and fresh faces, untouched and begging for attention. They were naive, making them easily swayed by his sweet words and gentle touches, and he was good at touching. He was really good at touching… anything. 

Before he met Jaebeom, Jinyoung was a playboy through and through. He enjoyed the nightlife and spending every weekend in the club. It wasn’t uncommon for him to go home with a different person every night, both male and female alike. There was never a preference with him… until Jaebeom. As their relationship progressed, Jinyoung found that he wanted more and more to fit with Jaebeom. He wanted to be the perfect person for him, because of him. So, when they got into an argument about how Jinyoung was going out too much, was spending too much time in the club and not with Jaebeom, he took it upon himself to actually change, and he did. He changed everything about himself. One thing Jaebeom said he wanted was someone who was ready to settle down, someone that wanted a life and a family. That’s exactly who Jinyoung became.

But, now, in the light of his affair, Jaebeom threw it into his face. Threw the fact that Jaebeom himself had asked him to change, told him that’s what he wanted and so Jinyoung did. He had changed. For the better, if you asked him, but his opinion was moot now. Jaebeom had cheated. He had found someone else, kissed someone else, touched someone else… and then came back and did all those things with Jinyoung as if it didn’t even matter, as if Jinyoung wasn’t the love of his life and they weren’t trying to make a life together.

A loud hammering coming from the other room pulled him back to reality and his hand came up to wipe away the tears he didn’t realize he had released. Stupid tears, he thought as he pushed open his bedroom door and made his way towards the sound, always doing whatever they wanted without permission. Once he reached the door, he made quick work of opening it, not bothering to see the face of the person on the other side. It was probably his best friend who had spent a large amount of time trying to get Jinyoung out of his apartment, the one he had shared with Jaebeom, and to a club to help “get him over things”. The words alone made him feel bile roll up into his throat before he forced it back down and promptly ignored his idiot of a friend for a few weeks, at least.

“Jinyoung,” Mark called out to the disappearing figure that was Jinyoung. With a soft roll of his eyes, Jinyoung released a heavy sigh, lifting the weight he felt on his shoulders for at least a little while. “Jinyoung-ah, come on.” Jinyoung heard the platinum blonde begin speaking to someone, that was not him, in a soft whisper. This sparked his interest. He hadn’t expected Mark to bring anyone with him.

Of course he’s here too, Jinyoung thought as he turned and caught a small glimpse of Jackson, Jaebeom’s best friend and Mark’s boyfriend. It’s not like he had any ill will towards Jackson, if anything, it made him love and appreciate the friendship they had even more. It was just… harder.

“‘Nyoungie,” the older male called out to him. Jackson was always someone he enjoyed being with even if no one else was around. They could talk about anything, and everything, and they often lost track of time being together.

The sound of his voice alone reminded him of Jaebeom and it was hard to fight back the shudder that rocked through him, making the hair on the back of his neck stand at attention and his fingers curl into the fabric of his plaid pajama pants. The tears that had just stopped began to flow again, slowly, steadily. This was his first time seeing Jackson since the break-up. He had really missed him.

“Hyung,” his voice came out in a soft whisper, barely audible even to his own ears. He was shaking and didn’t even realize it until Jackson was walking towards him and wrapping him up in his strong arms, squeezing Jinyoung against his chest and cradling his head in the crook of his neck. A damn broke inside him and he was sobbing into his friend, his fingers clenching the shirt covering his warm body.

They stood like this, Jinyoung crying into the hollow of his neck, soaking the others shirt while Jackson softly shushed him, trying his best to soothe the ache he knew he felt. He could barely feel Mark behind them, his fingers running slowly up along Jinyoung’s shoulders, trying to comfort the younger the best he could without invading the pairs space. There was so much Jinyoung wanted to say, wanted to ask, needed to know, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything close to what he was thinking. Instead, all he could do was mutter, repeatedly, a few words. Words, he’d kept inside until this moment. “I miss him so much… I just want him back.”

After all was said and done, they finally, after an hour and a half, made it to the club, much to Jinyoung’s dismay. He dressed in a flowy black shirt, the shoulders covered in small black beads that made them sparkle in the club lights. It tied at the neck, a little V exposing the smallest amount of his chest. Just enough to be a tease. He paired it with a tight black pants that hugged him in all the right places and black shoes, a small belt making his waist look dainty and perfect, the complete opposite of how he felt. If he were being honest, he’d say the reason he picked this specific shirt was because Jaebeom loved him in it, always touching him whenever he wore it, unable to keep his hands to himself. That, of course, was if he were being honest, which he wouldn’t be… with anyone… for tonight, at least.

The club was packed for a Tuesday night. People littered the bar, groups gathering together and ordering large amounts of drinks at a time, while music blared through the speakers in every corner of the large room. His dark eyes dropped to the pair in front of him. Their fingers were intertwined and held above their heads while they made their way further into the crowd. Jinyoung followed behind them quietly, eyes darting here and there, searching aimlessly for a particular brunette with twin moles positioned sexily below his brow.

They reached their designated table, the one he had used for years until falling in love. It looked different but the same. In reality, Jinyoung knew that the one that had changed was himself. He no longer felt the need to fill it with drinks, or stand upon it and dance until his feet were on fire and begging for him to stop. Now, he felt the need to numb himself, to down every ounce of alcohol in this pitiful place to try to rid his body and mind of whatever feelings they were trying to keep at the surface. So, that’s exactly what he did. When the waitress arrived at their table, Jinyoung wasted no time ordering five bottles of soju, peach flavored - it was _his_ favorite - as well as three shot glasses, though he was sure he’d be drinking mostly alone.

Within ten minutes, the first bottle of soju was gone and he was on to the next. It didn’t take long for one to turn into two and two turned into five, and before he knew it, he was numb from the inside out, ordering more bottles for them to share. The liquid burned as it ran down his throat, coating his insides in miracle numbing medicine. He felt nauseous, only this time, he wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or the heartache. He prayed it was the sweet fire water he couldn’t stop doing shots of.

As he tossed the last of what had to be his eighth bottle back, he saw something, or rather someone, out of the corner of his eye. His heart stopped dead and fell to his feet, a loud pounding echoed in his ears as his body turned and his eyes searched the crowd once again for the gorgeous brunette.

“What’s wrong?” Marked called out to him from the love-seat he was currently sharing with Jackson. A look of concern turned his face and laced his voice making a drunk Jinyoung wish his best friend would stop being so protective of him.

“I thought I saw…” he trailed off, his hand bringing the glass to his lips and emptying the contents into his mouth, flooding his taste buds. He didn’t see him anywhere. It must’ve been his imagination, or his heart hoping for something that wasn’t going to come true. A soft prick of sadness touched his heart before he was able to shake it off with a shrug of his shoulders and a goofy turn up of his lips. “I’m gonna dance.” His words were slurred as he turned back to wink at the two love birds on the couch, clearly in their own little world. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He really needed to forget… everything.

The dance floor was exactly as he expected. It was crowded and everyone was touching, shoulder to shoulder, but that didn’t stop their hips from swaying and their arms from being raised high in the air as they lost themselves to the feeling of the music. This was the part he missed the most about going out every weekend, and had Jaebeom asked, Jinyoung would’ve told him as such. He slept around, yes -- he was good looking and loved when people wanted his attention, but it wasn’t all about the hook-ups. Mostly, he enjoyed the dancing. The feeling of sweat running down his body, the way his hips would move to and fro with the beat. It was simply his favorite thing.

Now, standing in the middle of the black and white checkered tile, Jinyoung can feel his heart race and his body pulse with the excitement of the music. He closed his eyes and allowed his body to take over, his mind to be set free from all of the responsibilities and the pain and just be for a few hours. The person next to him bumped into him, the others hands coming to rest against his hips steadying him. A jolt of electricity shot through him making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Suddenly, the stranger was pressing in close, his hands were pulling Jinyoung’s ass back against his groin where it moved side to side keeping time with the beat. He felt his face come in and rest his forehead against the nape of his neck. His whole body turned to ice. This was a move so familiar, he felt the liquid rise in his throat before he quickly swallowed it back down.

Jinyoung’s body reacted as it normally would, the traitorous thing that it was, but his mind knew better. His skin felt every breath, ears heard every noise, nose smelt every ounce of cologne and sweat that covered Jaebeom’s body. Every single one of them more familiar than the last. The pain, oh God the pain, he felt was unlike any other. Swords sunk into his gut, blades slicing him deeper and deeper until he was unable to think or move or speak. Somehow, his hand moved to hold the back of Jaebeom’s head, Jinyoung’s fingers lacing firm in his silky dark hair. He felt it as Jaebeom’s hand moved off of his hip and pushed under the hem of his shirt. The black material slid easily along his flesh, bunching at his wrist the higher he went. Jinyoung’s stomach flexed against the familiar touch, fire scorching every inch he came in contact with.

The firm grasp Jaebeom had on Jinyoung’s waist did nothing to help his escape but rather held him prisoner against Jaebeom’s own hips. They rocked together, back and forth, side to side, keeping rhythm with each other now rather than the music. He ached for more contact, felt himself growing needier as they went on. Jinyoung turned his head to the side, eyes still closed, fingers still holding onto the other’s hair as if it were his lifeline.

“Hyung,” he whispered, wincing as he heard the desire he felt so prominent in his voice. The response he got was so overwhelming his knees buckled underneath him, and had Jaebeom not had a tight hold on him, he would’ve met the floor. Teeth sunk into the sensitive skin below his ear, nibbling softly, a sweet hum filling his senses. “Ahh..” Jinyoung’s free hand moved under his own shirt and pressed against the back of Jaebeom’s as he caressed his stomach, used his finger to map out the perfectly shaped six pack he had concealed under the fabric.

“I love this shirt on you, Jinyoungie,” Jaebeom’s husky yet velvet voice filled his ears. The sound that escaped his mouth was nothing short of pathetic. “Did you wear it just for hyung?” The motion of his head gave Jaebeom the answer he didn’t even need. Everything Jinyoung did was for him, everyone knew it. At the same time he nodded, Jinyoung pressed his ass back against Jaebeom’s lap, feeling his length and the need he felt towards Jinyoung. If he said this didn’t excite him, Jinyoung would be lying. His heart skipped a beat before taking off into a race it was sure to lose.

Tears quickly welled up in his eyes, making his vision even worse than the alcohol he had consumed. He felt a sob pull from his throat, his body falling into the warmth that was Jaebeom. The need he felt, the desire to be close to Jaebeom mixed with the realism of how tomorrow would turn out if he actually allowed himself to do this. It was all too much. Without warning, Jinyoung pushed himself off of Jaebeom, his hand forcing the other’s out and away from his body while his free one came up and wiped at the tears that streamed down his face. The reality was Jaebeom didn’t love him anymore, not the him that he was forced to become. He loved the old Jinyoung, the one he had said multiple times he didn’t want. That hurt more than any other thing he would ever show. Still, Jinyoung was not that person anymore and he was proud of himself for that. Regardless of how good Jaebeom’s hands felt on him, regardless of how sweet he smelled or bitter he tasted, Jaebeom would never be his again. That’s why, with tear stained cheeks, Jinyoung gathered his things and made his way out the club door praying he’d never see Im Jaebeom for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> That's the end! It's so sad and I cried while writing it cause my poor JJP heart! But I hope you enjoyed it and please excuse any grammar errors you may have seen, I'm not the best at that sort of thing.
> 
> If you want to, follow me on twitter: [prxncenyoungie](https://twitter.com/prxncenyoungie)  
Okay, Imma go fall in a hole now.. BYYYYE!!


End file.
